Lucid Vision enters the World of Warcraft!

Prior to reading this news article, it's important that you first visit the forum and read the comic detailing LV's triumphant return to the world of MMORPG's. The direct link can be found HERE. Go read that first, then come back.



Being President of Lucid Vision is hard work. It's incredibly hard work. There is simply no way around how hard this job is. Yet it's my job. While the rest of LV is free to drink and party, i'm faced with the tough decisions. Like last years Christmas update for example. While the rest of LV was free to celebrate, it was up to me to make the final decision of either putting fat Adell's face on a box of Little Debbie cakes, or on a box of Twinkies. I thought long and hard over this decision, and spent many hours with my advisors, before i finally settled on Little DEBBIE. These are the kinds of important decisions I as President and Guild Leader am faced with every single day. Which fat person to harass, which killshot to highlight and laugh at, or which person on our messageboard should be mocked and made fun of. This is why they pay me the big bucks.

So with that said - As the comic above explained, Lucid Vision is formally entering the World of Warcraft at the behest of Jesus H. Christ himself. We will be playing on the HORDE side, assuming that no free for all server is made available. So without further ado - I would like to publically declare a Pre-Emptive Jihad(or Holy War for you graduates of the Public School system) on all WoW players. A war is the only way in which we can help rid the game of all the morons, fat people, and homo's that we expect to encounter daily. As an American President however, prior to going to war - I must ensure that the target in question meets five strict criteria prior to engagement.


1. No WMD's - WMD's can hurt people, and we don't wanna get hurt. We just wanna play videogames. Much like Iraq however, WoW players have no access whatsoever to WMD's of any kind. Originally i was still kind of worried, because with the news that Ascending Dawn planned on also playing - I felt that the odors emanating from both Adell's and FAYLLIA'S vagina's could certainly be used in a biological or chemical weapons program, with absolutely devastating results. Our resident LV Scientist - Dr. Darkahn put my fears at ease, and explained that while those two cesspools of stankiness are certainly in violation of numerous EPA regulations(and a leading cause of global warming) - It's nothing that a maximum strength douche couldn't take care of. This was a major relief when i heard it, and i took Dr. Darkahn at his word. He's a chink in RL, and chinks are good at math and science stuff.

2. No links to Al Qaeda - Lucid Vision is dedicated to killing fat people, Jew's, homosexuals, and bluebie poons. None of which are part of Al Qaeda. In fact, Al Qaeda members are kind of thin when you think about it. They also hate Jews and Fags. They are also certainly not bluebie poons, as once you kill them - They never have any good loot on em. Look at them on TV, they live in little huts and wear nothing but newbie robes. Their items completely suck.

3. Is part of The War on Terror - Ok. We admit that this one is kind of a stretch, but while their may not be any actual terrorists playing WoW. There are some people who kinda/sorta look like terrorists and are of Arab descent. Hence, we feel perfectly justified in declaring a pre-emptive war to kill them. You know.. *BEFORE* they get us. Look at another AD member - TARANNA here. You just know he's guilty of some sort of evil terrorist plot. It's always best to kill first, and ask questions later. Also for you children out there at home - Remember: It's perfectly acceptable to use this logic in real life as well. If you think the local sandnigger who mans your 7-11, Quickstop, Wawa, or other conveniance store is up to something nasty - Feel free to invade and take it over. Jesus supports the death of people who kinda/sorta look like terrorist scum, and so does LV! Make sure to liberate some nacho's and vanilla coke while there.

4. No direct threat to Lucid Vision - This was a no brainer. Many of the best PvP'ers of all time call LV home. No guild, player, person, country, or entity is *ANY* threat to Lucid Vision. As the most infamous, greatest, and powerful guild to ever exist - It's kind of impossible for there to be any threat to us really. Jesus himself watches over his chosen.

5. Will make Europe hate us - Europeans are a bunch of pussys. Always have been, always will be. Jesus hates Europe. Bunch of smelly fuckers that don't wear deodorant, and wear faggot ass beret's. Who the fuck wears a beret anyway? Until these morons manage to beat their women to the point that they understand that shaving underarm hair is NECCESARY, and for the good of society - They can all go fuck themselves.


Recruitment

It's been brought to my attention by my generals, that Lucid Vision needs a couple more troops on the ground, and unlike other Presidents - I listen to what my military says. So for the first time in well over 2 years - LV is very selectively recruiting. If you would like to be a part of LV's Jihad on WoW players - Please contact Vasten, myself, post a message on the recruit board, or Pray to Jesus. Your best bet is to just drop a PM to Vasten, as he is charge of all recruiting and recruits. You *COULD* drop me a PM, but chances are - Unless your a hot chick and your PM includes a picture of your boobs - I'm going to ignore you. You would have better luck asking Jesus. So for those interested - Contact Vasten.

So Until Next Time - Don't Forget POLAND

Amen
Mangar  10-20-2004

Forums temporarily down

Miss Cleo told us to upgrade our shit - forums will be back up as soon as we upgrade to latst version thats a little less vulnerable to tard attacks :) **update** Forums are back up
Ghecko  06-10-2004

Stop the FCC

You know, I personally try to keep my own political views off these forums. But this time, i'm here to personally ask (beg) you to sign this electronic petition:

http://www.stopFCC.com

In case you didn't notice, the government "protected" us yesterday by passing a bill to increase fines for what the FCC deems "offensive" to the tune of $500,000.oo per incident. Max of 3 million per day.

The religious right is going to protect me, from being offended by something i hear on the radio, or see on TV. All because a 40 year old no-talent black woman popped her tit out during the superbowl halftime. Our government has always been reactionary. They recieved over 500,000 complaints about the offensive material on our airwaves, and they immidiately attacked Bubba the Love Sponge, and Howard Stern. The FCC stated that next, they will be going after Cable, and XM radio. In essence - putting a gag-ball and bukake collar on our first constitutional right.

Jesus.

By the way - do you know that of the over 500,000 complaints to the FCC, only 57 (fifty seven) were complaining about radio and television ? The rest were complaining about Janet's titty.

Now the government is going to "Protect us" by being overly reactionary and taking away our freedom of speech - which ironically enough is protected by the constitution (it is illegal to pass a law that tries to prohibit freedom of speech ... just by the way), and sanitizing what we see and hear in the media. Thats downright bullshit. I'm having flashbacks to the Patriot Act.

The only reason you and I can post freely on our forums here, and not be fined $500K every time we "offend" someone, is because the FCC has no regulation over the internet. Trust me. That is the ONLY reason.

I'm a Republican. Come this November i'll be voting Democrat straight across the board. Not that they're any better, but to send a message. I don't need the Religious Right forcing government to stomp on my freedoms under the guise that they are "protecting" me. I can protect myself by switching the channel or turning the dial. In fact, I find the Relgious Right offensive.

I won't even get started on Bush running daddy's religious agenda, seperation of church and state, or how many congressmen are financially supported or housed by the Religious Right.

Please take time and protect your freedom of Speech. Vote Bush the fuck out of office along with that no-talent Michael (McCarthy) Powell.

Don't take my word for it. Enlighten yourself with some "required reading":

Committee Passes Broadcast Decency Enforcement Act
How Bush Stole Florida
Fellowship finances townhouse where 6 congressmen live
Kerry's Website keeps FCC on the Run
Powell: Free Speech Issues Could Derail Indecency Legislation

For your own sakes, please sign the petition at http://www.stopFCC.com If Jesus were here, he would sign it, then give Michael Powell penile cancer for being such a fucking douche-bag.

Feel free to stop by our public forum thread and post your own thoughts.
Ghecko  03-12-2004

Mangar and Jesus - At the Movies!

As the leader of a world renowned guild, famous for killing people in online games, i'm often asked for my opinion on various important subjects. Be it advice on who to vote for in the presidential race, to my views on NAFTA and U.S trade relations with Venezuela. Recently however, the thing ive most been asked about has been the recent controversy surrounding the movie "The Passion of the Christ." As the only guild endorsed and fully supported by Jesus Christ himself, people were curious to hear exactly what we thought of it. We decided to remain silent on the subject, at least until we could view the film in it's entirety, and give an accurate and thorough review.

So this past Saturday, i decided to grab Jesus and go to the movies. Jesus was also very curious to see how he was portrayed on screen, so he put aside his usual Saturday plans of booze and womanizing, in order to accompany yours truly. As we were about to leave LV-Town, we ran into Little LAIRANS, who naturally started begging us to let him come along. After about 5 minutes of "C'mon guys... PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE." we simply had enough, and had to explain that this movie was R-Rated and simply unsuitable for him to see. The last thing we wanted in LV-Town, was another week of Lairans having nightmares and wetting the bed. It would be just like when he seen that scary scene in the last Harry Potter movie. So we stuck Lairans with Grandpa Pizz, and hopped in the LV HOOPTY, and off we went to review the film!

The thing that bothered both me and Jesus the most about this movie, is the supposed "controversy" surrounding it. If you actually listen to the news, you would be left with the impression that this movie was a largely divisive, racist, and anti-semitic piece of garbage. All the New York papers from the ultra-liberal New York Times, to the more moderate New York Post, have called it that and worse in their respective "reviews" of the film. 60 Minutes has attacked the movie, and so has CNN, Nightline, and every major news organization in our country. If everyone is so united on this front, then surely there has to be some validity to their claims - Right?

In a word - No. Like it or not, this movie is historically accurate. Whether you believe the bible or not, history records the general events the exact same way. This *IS* what happened, and that's whats troubling to many. It's nothing more then a symptom of a greater problem in this country, which is that somehow "sensitivity" has replaced "fact" when it comes to anything involving history, or the discussion of historical events. All the media organizations, and even the angry Jewish groups acknowledge that the movie is historically accurate. Their argument is that the movie is anti-semitic *BECAUSE* it's factual. IE: It's insensitive to bring up history that's painful, or that paints a group in a bad light. You can see this manifest even further in our public school system, where teachers can get in trouble for teaching students that White Europeans purchased slaves from African tribal leaders, as opposed to just going over there and capturing them. IE: Purchasing has been omitted in many school districts because it's insensitive.

Get the fuck over it you whiny hook-nosed kikes. All this crying is enough to make me wanna strap a bomb-vest on Ruhi and Taranna and send them to the nearest temple. You killed Jesus. It happened over 2000 years ago, it's time to stop crying every time someone brings it up and move on. The Germans don't throw a temper tantrum any time someone brings up Hitler. Take a lesson when it comes to your own peoples "skeletons" and get over it already. No wonder why the Arab's hate you.

So how was the actual movie? Well like i said. I brought Jesus with me and we both watched it together. One of the movies failings, is that you really need to go into it with some basic knowledge of the story and characters. Very few of the characters are identified by name or developed, and the viewer is just "assumed" to know who they are, and while myself and of course Jesus did, not everyone will. The movie starts out in the garden, where Jesus is captured and betrayed "With a Kiss" from the worlds most famous backstabber - Judas. What follows tends to feel like one overly long torture session. Jesus is brought before the Jewish High Priests, beaten and mocked, and then brought before the Pilate, who is the Roman Governor. As a historian, i'm pleased with the way in which they portrayed Pilate, and it's one of the areas in which the film really works. The Jews demand that he sentence Jesus to death, because they themselves have no law in which to do so. Pilate is conflicted, but not because of any sensitivity to Jesus - But because he fears for his job. He's already on watch by the Caeser, and was called back to Rome twice(A fact the film makes note of, and gets right) to answer for his actions as Governor, and the last thing he needs is an uprising or any trouble to surface. He's also convinced that Jesus isn't a criminal, but rather just some innocent crazy person. This leads to an appearance by King Herod, and then back to Pilate who attempts to sate the Jews thirst for blood by having Jesus "punished"(Again: All historically accurate so far). What follows is the real meat of the film so to speak, and begins the aformentioned torture session. Without a timer on me, i'd say about 45-50 minutes of the film is nothing more then Jesus being brutally tortured. The punishment is Jesus being very graphically whipped with sticks, but that aint nothing. After the sticks are finished, they break out two 'Cat-O-Nine Tails', with jagged metal shards tied onto each length and then proceed to whip him very graphically in front of his grieving mother MARY and 2 of his followers. This beating literally lasts for 10 minutes or so, and you see each slash on his body, and see how each metal shard sticks into his skin. One overly graphic shot even has the shards get stuck, and you watch as his flesh is literally ripped from his body. They don't stop until there isn't a single inch of unscarred or unmutilated flesh left on him. From here on in - The movie is really nothing more then a graphic depiction of torture put up on screen. Eventually the crown of thorns gets placed on Jesus's head, and naturally it's done in as graphic a manner as possible. You watch as each thorn punctures his head, and then eventually Jesus is sentenced to death. Jesus then is forced to CARRY the cross, beaten and scourged all along the way, until he reaches his crucifixion spot. Naturally, more brutality ensues as you watch and hear each nail get slowly pounded into his hands and feet. You even get a nice audible crack as the Romans dislocate Jesus's shoulder to get him to properly fit on the cross. There is very little dialogue during most of this, as it's really just 50 minutes of straight and utter torture.

Unlike most critics who generally review it based on whatever their religious background is, me and the J-Man are going to judge this solely as a movie. So what did we think of it? For me.. It certainly lagged in some spots. While the graphic depictions of violence were certainly shocking, they tended to get old after awhile. When you watch a beating for 15 straight minutes, it tended to lose it's effect. Or to put it another way, you start to get used to the violence. What was initially shocking, became bland. When you take into account, that the majority of the movie is nothing more then one big beating - You can see how you would become slightly bored. Jesus seemed to think they spent way too much time on the beatings, and not enough on his message. As he put it while watching it - "Where's the booze? Where's the women? Where's the love?" and he was right. None was to be found. I felt that the flashback and dialogue scenes tended to be the most interesting, and i actually craved more of them. That's not what what Mad Max wanted though, so instead we were treated to more gore then any horror movie we have ever seen in our lives. Me and Jesus were especially dissapointed in the lack of boobs to be found in the film, as not even Satan(Accurately depicted as a Female) showed off any skin. This really made Baby Jesus cry, as after we watched 2 hours of torture, we could have really used some boobage. Hell, even a nipple slip would have been fine. The movie is still watchable, and if you haven't seen it yet... you really should. It's not a bad film, but one which certainly could have been helped with about 5-10 minutes trimmed off, and a little more characterization. Me and Jesus both give it - 2 Nails Up!



As always, i can be reached HERE with any comments. Mangar@lucid-vision.org
Mangar  03-01-2004

How the Bitch stole Christmas!

For those readers who arent from Rallos Zek, or even Everquest. Adell is the leader of the typical 24/7 Raid guild on our server. Before going forward, it's important to know what she looks like. These photo's of an Ascending Dawn party, were taken by LVPD Spy Satellites, and then delivered to us with the utmost of secrecy by an undercover LVPD Agent. Featured here in the first pic is ADELL. This 2nd pic features Secula, Yozzt, and big fat ADELL again. The 3rd and final picture, features famous Lebanese terrorist Taranna, Yozzt, and ADELL yet again. Enjoy the story!



How the BITCH Stole Christmas! by Dr. MangSuess

Every player on Rallos liked Lucid Vision a lot....
But Adell, who lived in a trailer, did NOT!

Adell hated LV! And the entire Christmas season!
Now please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be her MOM, who was PK'd by LV's might. It could be her MooMoo, which was three sizes too tight.
But i think the most likely reason of all may have been that her guild was always the first one to fall.
But whatever the reason, her mom or her weight, she stood there this Christmastime just brimming with hate.

So she looked out from her trailer, with a sour grinchy frown.
At all the beer and porn, that helped light up LV-Town.
"And they're praying to Jesus!" she snarled with a sneer.
"Tommorow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then she growled with her fat fingers nervously piddling her girth..
"I'll show these LV, ill ruin Jesus's birth!"
"Shoon ganks our members, Vasten beats them in duels."
"Ghecko trains all our raids, and Mangar makes us look like fat fools!"
"I hate this here Jesus, and every PK! Ill ruin their Christmas, and Jesus's Birthday!"
Adell needed Everquest, because of how much she weighed. If she couldn't give out gear, she would never get laid.

And really, that's what angered this big fat brute. Her entire sex life, depended on Everquest loot.
She's fucked Jinxat, and Awfal. Reefman and Dirrk She even had anal sex she thought with a smirk.
If they weren't around, she just made a call. She phone-fucked all comers, the tall and the small.
Beander and Lugoj were right on her list. If phonefucking her helped them get loot, who were they to resist?
Though she was quite generous with the men who had fucked her. Why do you think she made Lohengrin an officer?
See this was her problem, and why she hated LV. They corrupted her members, and even stole three!
They burned her main tanks, they ruined her raids. They destroyed her CH lines, and laughed at how much she weighed.
But this year was different, and she was sincere. "It was time for revenge!" she said with a sneer.

So she crept to LV-Town dressed as Saint Nick. She would steal all their stuff, and do it right quick!
She stole all Shoon's beer, and took Nexex's pot. Ganked Vasten's hair pick, and Ghecko's new yacht!
She took Pizz's Viagra, and Rhawn's Confederate Flag. Stole Darkahn's chopsticks, and all Ishi's porno mags!
But last but not least, she would gank from their leader, his brand new - Orange Beetle.
As she went to get in, her fat ass couldn't fit. So she strained really hard squeezing in bit by bit.
She started to perspire, as she started to shove. When she heard a small sound, like the coo of a dove.
She turned around fast, and she saw a small Jew! It was Cindy-Lou Lairans, who was just Level two.
She looked up at this big fat Grinch and said "Santy Claus, Why. Why are you taking our leaders Beetle, and my Easy Bake Oven?"
But you know this fat bitch, was so smart and so slick. She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!
Then Adell got hungry, and figured "Why lie?" So she picked up young Lairans, and ate him like pie.
Thus was the end of the Eternal NOOB. Who was eaten by Adell, even though he was just Level two.
Now it was time, for Adell to make her escape. Though she was huffing and puffing, because she was in such poor shape.

So Adell waited on Mount Bluebie for Christmas to come, and the LV members who would be oh so glum.
"To hell with those PK's." She was bitch-ish-ly humming.
"They're about to find out, that no Christmas is coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"They'll drink a couple beers, and then all cry BOO-WHO!"

She stared down at LV-Town.
Then Adell popped her eyes!
Then her huge belly shook.
What she saw was a shocking surprise!

The LV members didn't care about what people bought. Christmas was about Jesus, and all that he taught.
Like that drugs and booze were gifts from god, and that hookers were great ways of busting their wads.
The J-Man was with them during this Christmas season, and that was all that mattered. No other reason.

Old fat Adell in her MooMoo, stood there in the snow. Puzzling and puzzling "How could it be so?"
"There was no Everquest, no food or no booze."
"What's there to life, without being a bluebie poon?"

And what happened then...?
Well in LV-Town they say
That Adell lost over 400 pounds that day.
And the minute that her MooMoo didn't feel oh so tight.
She bolted to LV-Town through the bright morning light!
Adell for once, had nothing to lament. As she could finally wear a dress instead of a tent!
She brought back all the LV booze and pot, and repented her ways, repented a lot.
And she...
SHE HERSELF
She hugged Baby Jesus with glee, as they ate Little DEBBIE snack CAKES, and got drunk on Long Island Iced Tea.


MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
Mangar  12-24-2003

Screw Passing the Plate...

Unlike many other churches, the Church of Lucid Vision does not pass around a collection plate. No sir. Instead we offer LUCID-VISION GEAR. Our gear is so tight, any EQ nerd could get laid just by wearing our shit. Chicks will know you're packin some real heat.

That money that you were going to donate to feed the HUNGRY THIRD WORLD CHILDREN , we ask that you instead go spend it on yourself or a loved one, over at our STORE.

Jesus hates stingy motherfuckers. Go drop a Benjamin.

(please send any merchandise inquiries or Hate-Mail to Mangar)

Amen.
Ghecko  12-08-2003

Lucid Vision - America's PK Guild

As the majority of Lucid Vision have been sitting on the sidelines to await the release of Everquest 2, our news hasnt been updated as frequently as in the past. Rest assured though, that the worlds greatest PK guild hasnt been sitting around doing nothing. Instead we have been hard at work on our latest project, one which is so amazingly important and fantastic, we are sure that you will as happy as a Priest at a Boy Scouts meeting.

It all started out as a standard day. Being a bunch of PvP Enthusiasts, we did what we did best - We killed people and then laughed and made fun of them about it. We find it amusing, and it's kind of our "thing". For our newer readers, here are some humorous examples of our work - POONKILL#1, POONKILL#2, POONKILL#3, POONKILL#4, POONKILL#5, POONKILL#6, and JESUS-SAVES. Anyway - We were out and about doing gods work, when your heroes had an epiphany. Instead of just amusing ourselves and Jesus, perhaps it was time to finally step up and do something good for society. When Jesus finally sobered up we ran the idea by him, and he agreed. Thus we formed the single greatest force for truth, justice, and honor - The LVPD. With our crack police squad formed, we immediately set out to right the wrongs of the Everquest universe, and to give something back to our fellow players. Our very first sting operation, was the successfull breakup of an organized POWER-LEVELING ring. Many other arrests and busts followed, including a joint operation between Lucid Vision and Sony Online Entertainment, as our officers and SoE GM's came together to bust those POTTYMOUTHS in Ascending Dawn. Numerous charges were filed against multiple members, as we both made Everquest safe for the children. We also didnt limit our activism to only criminal offenses, as our legal wing - The LVLDF(Lucid Vision Legal Defense Fund) actively fought for the civil rights of all PK's, and won a major battle in the supreme court. The landmark legal decision of Runtlee Vs. Ascending Dawn, established the RIGHTS of all PK's to train Anti Poons whenever they damned well pleased. As you can see, the LVPD was a force for all that was good in the universe, and Jesus loved us for it.

What happened afterwards shook the foundations of the LVPD to it's core. As i was sitting at LVPD Headquarters, a Mr. Guznuk entered my office to file a complaint. He suspected that EAGER may not be a female in real life. For those who dont know Eager, a little background information is neccesary. Eager first surfaced as a messageboard troll/whore sometime over a year ago. By positioning herself of the female gender, she was able to get the "special" treatment that pathetic EQ geeks give to anyone having a vagina. She tried this with Lucid Vision, and was an applicant for a time. During her applicant period, she did the usual EQ flirtations with members, hung off our nuts hard on the messageboards, and generally kissed alot of ass. This attitude changed when she was eventually turned down from LV, but when she made a new character(Traffic - A Ranger) she used the same old schtick with other guilds. There was always some debate on whether Eager was truly a female, as she/he tended to do strange things. During her application process she would PM/IM members hacked porn website passwords for no other reason then because she "felt like it", and was always quick to send us new pictures of herself. Now while we did find this behaviour strange, we generally had no problems with it. If all applicants sent us porn passwords, or other porno material - We would have alot more accepted applications. We here at LV love porn, but i digress.... She just tried too hard, and it was obvious. When i interviewed Mr. Guznuk in my office, he revealed that because of his numerous board posts questioning her gender, she in an effort to prove herself - offered to speak to him on the phone. The "conversation" lasted only a couple minutes, as Mr. Guznuk asked her EQ questions she couldn't answer. According to him, it took her 2 minutes to name what her SK's(her main/only char at the time) weapon was. He said it sounded like she put him on hold and asked someone else. Something sounded fishy, and lacking the resources, Mr. Guznuk turned to the experts in law enforcement - The LVPD to crack this case. Unfortunately i had to turn him down. At the time, the LVPD lacked the manpower and resources to deal with Mangina related activity, so i sent him on his way.

The whole incident disturbed me, but i went about my daily business as if nothing happened. That was until Jesus came to talk with me. I explained to Jesus the situation, yet told him that i didnt think such issues were important enough to waste precious manpower on. I mean - Who really cares about Mangina's that play Everquest? Jesus at this time turned to me and said: "My son, imagine if one day you invited an alter boy over your house to watch a Pokemon Marathon, and as it got late and the roofies started to take effect - You reached down his pants and discovered that the alter boy, was actually an alter GIRL!" Such a thing would be any priests nightmare, and the mere thought of it filled me with anger. Jesus was right, and such deception was wrong and had to be stopped. So after those words of wisdom from the J-Man, we formed the LVPD:Special Mangina Unit. A special unit created solely to investigate and infiltrate mangina's and mangina related crime.

Our first order of business was to get to the bottom of the Eager situation, or Operation: Gaybash as it will henceforth be known (Jesus hates fags. It's in the bible.) With our squad organized, i turned to Agent Ghecko and sent him deep undercover. His job was to infiltrate the targets life, gain her trust, and help us get to the bottom of things. Ghecko was hand-picked for this operation due to his years of training, LV PK experience, and the fact that Jesus loved him. While this entire operation lasted over a year, it was only after a short time when Agent Ghecko started to gain her trust. He managed to obtain nude pictures of the suspect right off the bat. Although she refused to put her face in them at first, you have to start slowly in order to fully gain the suspects trust. I give advance warning, that all the pictures and videos following are *NOT* safe for work. ARTICLE#1, ARTICLE#2, and ARTICLE#3. The problem with those pictures, is that they could be anyone. Ghecko being a trained poonslayer and LVPD Detective knew this, and hatched a plan. Not only did the next pics reveal her face, but they definately proved that "some" girl was on the other side of the computer. ARTICLE#4 showed a face and message for LV, and the next picture shows competance and acknowledge of Everquest and Ghecko. This picture also shows that Ghecko has *WON* Everquest - EVIDENCE. The pictures taught us that some girl who knew about Lucid Vision, Ghecko, and the basics of Everquest , was willing to send out naked pictures of herself - Yet, she knew nothing "specific" about in-game events. This naked female was a mere puppet in some criminal masterminds evil scheme to defraud EQ players, but who was pulling the strings? As we were puzzling this over, a British Shemale by the name of MEARIS walked into our office. Along with being honest and open about his gender, Mearis is an agent with Scotland Yard, and so it was natural that the LVPD and SY collaborate on this case. I wont bore everyone with the tons of text and IRC logs, as this update is already too long(and some names and information is still classified Top Secret). But it turns out that with the information gathered by Agent Ghecko, and some further information from Special Agent Mearis, we have learned that Eager's real name is Jason(last name withheld), and that the nude female in the pictures and upcoming video is none other then his RL girlfriend. He was finally caught by attempting to solicit naked pics from other EQ females. When he found out one of the females in question didnt "swing" that way, and wanted nothing to do with naked girl only pics - Eager/Jason broke down and sent her this photo of his g/f and him: JASON. Furthermore they spoke on the phone, and it was confirmed that Jason was a man. Text logs, recordings, and all the evidence lead up to this conclusion. Eager was busted, discredited, and will probably leave the boards and EQ forever after this. Another amazing victory for law and order! Also - During Ghecko's undercover investigation, he managed to convince Eager to masturbate for him over her/his webcam. Being a good detective, this was all saved and documented by your heroes in Lucid Vision - So here is that surveillance tape: EAGER-VIDEO

Alas this update does not end with good news. As LV was celebrating yet another victory - The evil MALIO and NECKROS of Ascending Dawn, hatched a plan so horrible, so damaging, and so cruel, that even Satan himself wanted nothing to do with it. Angry over the fact that LV has almost 2-3 full CD's full of killshots of their guild, they leaked this evil video out to the members of Lucid Vision. Anyone familiar with the movie "The Ring", understands the power of video, and this one did something that they were never able to do in game - PK and defeat Lucid Vision. Any inspectors looking for weapons of mass destruction, here it is: SLAVEBECCA of Ascending Dawn dancing topless in her trailer-home. For those with a weak stomach - Do not VIEW this grotesque and disgusting female. It's been reported that her vaginal odor violates 37 EPA Environmental regulations, and we here at LV believe it.

Amen
Mangar  10-23-2003

Jesus Loves Betty Ford

After a month at Betty Ford, Jesus took a vacation to visit his homie Buddha at a his pad in Tibet. Buddha is a mad playa, and Jesus fell of the wagon after just a few days.

Weeks of drunken Yahoo Pool and all-night benders with the B-man's concubines only made our Lord's thirst for blood stronger. Compounding this, he heard of the return of his favorite party favours, the MA Midgets (see photo from the archives) , to his former icy home in Shadowbane.

On his way back from the east, Jesus stopped by my pad to help me with some yard work, at which time we decided it was time for his return.

Jesus is now back home, to the newly renovated fortress of Bethlehem.

<img src="http://members.aol.com/brekkenlv/lvcity.gif">

Consequently, the Southern Deceit Dorf Throwing League, will start up again next Monday.

Welcome back, J.
Brekken  10-08-2003

I have a baaaaad feeling about this....

Lucid Vision is the greatest and most successful guild in the history of the planet. This is simple reality, and is something that nobody really disputes. Sure, you could disagree.. but then Jesus will sentence you to burn in hell for all eternity, so its probably just best to accept our superiority and move on.

For over 25 years Lucid Vision has played and conquered any and all games that have come our way. Be it the 1981 CENTIPEDE World Championship that was swept by the LV Team, to even the 1984 GYRUSS Tournament, where LV members overcame a crooked arcade operator and exploiting opponents to win the whole entire event. With Jesus and the Catholic Church at our side, our tradition of video game dominance, beating child molestation charges, and spreading around the bible, is simply the stuff of legend.

Which brings us to the present - Lucid Vision in the new millenium has been known mainly for it's skill in winning and pwning RPG's, particularly the online variety. What originally started long ago with a complete LV win in TELENGARD, has moved to more modern games like Everquest and Shadowbane. In Everquest, Lucid Vision simply DECIMATED the competition, BEATING them to the point where we actually made people cry and BEG in RL for us to stop. It was the kind of PKing that the game had never seen before, and will never see again. Efficient and brutal. Once in Shadowbane, we once again established ourselves as an elite PK crew, recognized throughout the server for our PvP accomplishments. Be it tearing down CITIES or dismantling entire GUILDS, LV once again ended up on top.

Alas - All was not well with the lord. With the recent creation of LV Planetside, and the continued success of LV Shadowbane, our members have been content to simply relax by the pool with a beer and an alter boy. That was until I received an urgent message from Jesus himself - While i frantically attempted to hide all my beer(Jesus is a bit of an alcoholic) he said THIS to me. At that moment our mission was clear - It was time to enter the Star Wars universe and smack down poons for the lord.

With that said - Id like to announce the creation of Lucid Vision - Star Wars!(Or just LV:SWG for short) We will be playing on the Bloodfin server at launch, and will be spreading around the kind of love that has made LV the chosen PK guild of God himself for over 25 years running. We would also like to welcome BREKKEN to the leadership ranks of LV:SWG(and a belated congratulations to Asazi for his recent promotion to IC of LV:SB) and are sure that he will do a fine job. We would also like to welcome Vasten back to the fold, who with his military stint over, will be joining us for SWG. Anyone wishing to be a part of LV:SWG should simply say a prayer to JESUS, and he should answer your call, unless he is drunk or with a hooker, in which case you should probably just send a PM to one of our officers. Whichever works...

Amen
Mangar  06-24-2003

Bitch of The Week !!

"The Elitists" have earned yet another "Bitch of the Week" accolade. The lucky winner this week was an Aracoix by the name of LANTALON.

SCORE: 0 (# of guildmates you kill the person in front of)
(No points this week - but the loot was nice)

Last night a group of 6 (LV and LoD Empire) stood outside Eclipse hurling insult after insult to at least 25 or 30 Elitists. After 45 minutes of killing them repeatedly the homosexuals finally mustered up the balls to zerg the 6 of us with the entire keep-full of poons. Look for pics and recordings as soon as we regain composure from laughing so fucking hard at these tools.

Grats, Bitches !!
Ghecko  06-23-2003

Crooked Ubi-Soft employee's and CCR's.

Lucid Vision has seen its share of exploits and crooked GM's. It was simply a fact of life in Everquest, especially on the Rallos Zek server. Like all guilds who played on Rallos, we just had to make the best of it. When one of the most well known and documented of the crooked GM's from Rallos Zek joined the Ubi-Soft team(Zelnik), most of us from Rallos who planned to play the game, feared the worst. Many never picked up Shadowbane for that reason, while the rest just made sure to steer very clear from his old RZ guilds server of choice.(Which ironically was Scorn)

Now todays events actually managed to rival any GM/CCR abuse or crooked behaviour we have ever seen in any game, that we have ever played thus far. What makes it worse was the actual abuse and attempted cover-up that took place after the fact, and it has made many players, including our enemies, seriously debate if Shadowbane is the right game for them. While the events have been discussed elsewhere, ill do a quick recap here.

Very simply - ST and the server all gathered to attack our Island, and chose the islands main city as the point of its operations. When they got there, they summoned a CCR(Shadowbanes version of a GM) who preceded to remove the Runemaster, making all buildings vulnerable. Eventually a new Runemaster was put back by the CCR, but his protection slots were "bugged", and you were unable to use any gold to heal walls. The bottom line was - A GM "friendly" with the attackers used his powers to essentially screw over the city by making all buildings vulnerable, and the healing of walls impossible for a time. The shocking thing about this situation, isnt the fact that it happened - But the attempted coverup after the fact, and how there is really no argument about the chain of events that led to this. Hell, after it was learned that a CCR had directly and illegally created this situation, our most hated "in-game" enemies(MWH) actually pulled his guild out of the attack, and refused to participate. It was a major act of class on his part, but the simple reality is - It was common knowledge that some serious abuse of powers and exploiting was going on.

To add insult to injury, one of the sieging/exploiting guilds members was deleting all posts made about the situation on the official Ubi-Soft messageboards. It seems that ZISA(ex- Rollings 30's, now Silent Tribe) is a moderator, and not content with just using CCR friends to make Runemasters dissapear, she also deleted all posts made about the exploits at the same time the siege was taking place, going so far as to even ban members from the forums entirely. Eventually some posts were allowed to stay, because while its possible to silence one guild - It was impossible to silence an entire server, as other guilds were quite pissed by the actions taken as well. Still, tons of censorship, moderation, and deletions continue to be launched at everyone who even hints about a possible "Conflict of Interest" over a staff member using her forum powers to silence enemies, and CCR friends to remove runemasters.

Lucid Vision is seriously disturbed by the events that took place today, and the whole affair absolutely stinks of abuse. The sieging guild calls a CCR to use his GM powers to make a city vulnerable, while at the same time a member who is at the siege uses her Ubi-Soft forum moderator power to delete any and all mention or talk about it on the server boards. It really dont take a rocket scientist to see the various connections and conflict of interest problems, and nobody on the entire server debates the fact that a CCR purposely screwed LoD Keep. The only questions revolve around the "why" and exactly "how" connected is the sieging guild with the exploits that took place. Logs, board threads, and recordings of the events are all available on the ATC website.(Which is the definitive news and information website for the Death Server)

We here at Lucid Vision have no problem losing. Winning and losing is simply part of the game, and regardless of how much Jesus loves us, everyone loses a battle at some point. We *DO* have a problem when CCR's abuse there powers to make sure that we dont even have a fighting chance. We chose the Death server over Scorn to escape "friendly" GM/CCR friends, hacks, and exploits. Hopefully the powers that be will do the right thing on this issue.
Mangar  06-16-2003

Bitch of the Week !!

In case you haven't noticed we have started showcasing a weekly assasination here at LV Central. This weeks award goes to the mino ROY ROGERS of House Moriarty (sp). Unfortunately in this weeks segment, our hero did not escape with his life =(

SCORE: 20 (# of guildmates you kill the person in front of)

Grats, Bitch !!
Ghecko  06-07-2003

Vacation to Fantasy Island !!

Why did we bother chain summon/swimming out into the middle of nowhere to an island HiV planted on aka Fantasy Island ? Simple. Because "We just wanted to have fun !!"

After PK'ing Tatoo and Mr. Rourke we dumped a BANE on the HiV tree. Oh what a GLORIOUS bane it was. In fact, Lucid Vision, LoD, and Legionairus set a record for the FARTHEST TREE BANED OFF THE MAINLAND. A Server First !! Chalk one up for the Good Guys.

We found the accomodations required a little RENOVATING to suit our tastes as the Tiki Hut was not close enough to the water. So the crew pitched in for what seemed like an eternity but eventually got the job DONE (we need more tanks Mangar).

Once the hard work was complete, we found the Island BARTENDER and PK'd his ass for trying to water down our Margaritas. Shortly afterwards the entire crew got naked, slapped on some SPF 100 up in that bitch -- and PARTIED all night long with some Gheck-Made Long Island Lemonaide (the good shit).

LV needed a vacation. Special thanks to Couladin and Solstice of LoD, and STUMP for planning such a nice vacation for us in the first place. We had such a great time, that we plan on returning to plant a Vacation Getaway of our own and bane any other pesky trees that have popped up.
Ghecko  06-07-2003

Bitch of the Week !!

When your guild name is "Elitists" and your motto is "Best of the Best", you're just begging to get MURDOCKED in front of your homies. This time our hero DID escape with his life.

SCORE: 7 (# of guildmates you kill the person in front of)

Grats, Bitch !!
Ghecko  06-02-2003

The Epic Tale of a Nation Reborn !!

(Day 01) A WARNING ISSUED
Every attempt at a diplomatic resolution was shrugged off. Neighboring nations stomachs turned as Freedom and Democracy were given the middle finger - watching in horror as FoC (former ally) pumped spy after spy into its disaster of a guild and put the security of our peaceful island at risk. The evil ruler disrespected his neighbor and supposed ally, Lucid Vision repeatedly with actions nothing short of terroristic. Qhari Muhammed Muhammed Al'Jazeer, was given a week to change his ways.

A week where he would endure daily assasinations by LVLO (Lucid Vision Liberation Organization) as a reminder of our steadfast commitment and determination.

(Day 07) JIHAD DECLARED
The week came and went. Much to the shock of allied empire, LVLO launched a surprize offensive strike against all FoC members leaving behind nothing but mutilated bodies. Word quickly spread thru the evil regime that they were now KoS to Lucid Vision. Qhari could do nothing but stand by, endure daily assasinations, and hurl insults and threats to his former allies - your beloved LV officers.

(Day 09) LVLO COUPS PLAYBOY MANSION
Qhari was given ample warning and opportunity to right the wrongs he had committed against humanity, against Lucid Vision, against his neighboring nations, and against barnyard animals.

The LVLO Special Forces Unit moved into the enemy keep last night to liberate a nation from Opressive rule. Amazingly enough, very little blood was shed during the coup.

Mangar (Speical Ops Commander) was interviewed shortly after the coup was launched:
"We are not here to occupy this terrotiry, take these peoples assets, or make refugees of our old allies. We are here to liberate our friends from oppression. We will not rest until the cancer named "Qhari" is dislodged from our collective colons, and permanently removed from the Isle of Deciet. We vow to help our friends rebuild a glorious, respected, democratic nation under a fair and just leader of admirable quality. We were concerned about thier weopons of mass destruction, but our highly trained scouts found the pile of bottle-rockets behind the chicken coop and disarmed the threat by removing all the fuses. Now shut up and hand me a beer!"

(Day 10) PROTECTORS OF ICE (PoI) IS BORN !
One of the most fair, just, and mature memebers of FoC elected by his peers. All hail Ceylon the Hermit !
Previously, one of the most opressed members of the evil dictatorship (indi shop owner forced to hand over 98.5% of profits) Ceylon wept tears of joy as he and his people were liberated and handed the reigns of the new regime. By the end of the night many ex-FoC members were seen dancing in the streets under the new crest. LVLO is confident this new leader will sieze this opportunity and elevate his nation from one of the most hated, to one of the most loved and trusted organizations on the island.

In an unprecedented, and breath-taking act of Solidarity, The Lords of Death graciously subbed this nation, and took them under it's wing - couragously leading PoI out of oppression, and into the open arms of the empire. Welcome home, brothers!

Ghecko (Special Ops death squad leader) was interviewed after the new nation's government had been set into place:
"If we cannot remove the evil Dictator from the nation, we will remove the nation from the evil Dictator. I mean come on, the dude fucks chickens."

(Day 12) THE HOLY JIHAD CONTINUES
The dedicated members of LVLO will not rest until we free every last one of our compatriots. Until all members of FoC have joined PoI, we will not lose faith. We will stay committed. We will not falter. The remaining members that choose to support Qhari and his terroristic regime will remain KoS to Lucid Vision and will continue to be methodically executed.

(Day 14) VICTORY !!
As of our last scouting reports, the evil dictator "Qhari" and his two sons abandoned thier tree, and it went poof. We recieved information that they were hiding in a bunker under the Oarsmen camp. Private Gomer Nexex, and Private Brekken Crotchchop lead the LV Bombing raid in the dead of night, dropping 3 bunker busters and a MOAB (mother of all bombs) on the Oarsman camp where the infidels were reportedly hiding out.

Dondald Rumsfeld was later seen meeting with President Mangar and a few of his men. The president congradulated his members of LV on a fine job. Donald was quoted as saying "We are 99.9% sure Qhari was killed in the bombing. Although there have been reports of his sightings, we have to speculate it was one of his many body doubles.".

God bless our island!
Amen.
Ghecko  05-30-2003

Have you hugged a PK today ??

In the Good Book, Baby Jesus displays his affection for the PK and the good work we do on his behalf. Baby J also asks that you show love to that foo who just smoked you.

[King James] Corinthians Book 2 (5-8)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2:5 But if any have caused grief, he hath not grieved me, but in part: that I may not overcharge you all.

2:6 Sufficient to such a man is this punishment, which was inflicted of many.

2:7 So that contrariwise ye ought rather to forgive him, and comfort him, lest perhaps such a one should be swallowed up with overmuch sorrow.

2:8 Wherefore I beseech you that ye would confirm your love toward him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Man loves his PKs, and we give praise and thanks for the opportunity to do his good work (although greuling and thankless at times) ... by smoking the hell out of you chumps.

Amen.
Ghecko  05-18-2003

In other news, LV was baned by ST yesterday...

We'll wake you up when its over.
(ZZzzzzzzzzzz)
Ghecko  05-18-2003

HiV owned on their own turf - The Messageboards!

In the world of Shadowbane, there are many ways to make your mark on the server. Guilds like Lucid Vision, Lords of Death, or DOM, do so on the battlefield, and have the reputation as the servers pre-eminent PvP guilds. Guilds like Silent Tribe also made their mark in-game, but more from a PvE/Nation-Building perspective. Numerous random invites and quick city building have set them apart from the other carebear guilds. While it's always best to be known for in-game accomplishments, there are still other ways to cement your reputation or become known.

HiV chose the messageboards. Visit the official Ubi-Soft boards, the IGN boards, or even LV's own boards, and you will see MAELSTROM(AKA: The Kool-Aid Man) ramble on and on, like some 400 pound broken record that just wont shut up. While HiV is barely a blip on the radar screen in-game, they are a large presence on the boards, and its become their reputation. HiV is synonomous with board warfare, and thats pretty much it. We here at Lucid Vision decided to pay their city a visit last week in an effort to shut them up. We destroyed their buildings, killed their members(some poor schlubs died over 5 times), and took down their WALLS. In Short - We owned them on the battlefield. We figured that such a complete PvP beating would shut them up. We were wrong.

When someone is so thoroughly owned and humiliated in-game, how can they continue to ramble on and on? This perplexed us here at the Church of Lucid Vision, so we did what we always do in such a situation - We prayed. Jesus responded rather quickly, and said.. "My sons. Yes you did indeed own them, but you did so using PvP. You need to take the fight to their home turf in order to succeed." Just like when Jesus told us that "It's not rape, if forensics discovers that the bitch was on top." - he was right. Destroying HiV's city and killing them in-game is not the way to fight HiV, we had to bring the fight to their own turf - The Messageboards. So we did.

In this THREAD, Lucid Vision delivered the knock-out blow to HiV. With Jesus at our side, we took the fight right to HiV, and the end result was Maelstrom sending us nastygrams saying that he was never coming back to these boards or posting here again. We Win! Such complete ownership on the boards has yet to be seen before, and will probably never be seen again. The morale of this story is - You cant beat board warriors by owning them in game, you need to own them on their home field.

In related HiV news - Guidleader and Dairy Queen security guard EMBER Stoudt, after constant in-game mocking over his chrome-dome, has finally decided to do something about it. While we here at Lucid Vision still consider him and his guildmembers to be a bunch of spineless pussies, we do wish him well with his new LOOK. Knock em dead handsome!
Mangar  05-16-2003

Public Service Announcement

You fuckers still dont get it do ya? I'm going to break it down with some doo doo brown so you miserable little ass-hats can have it sink into your mellons:

1. If you are caught fucking around on our Island, we're trashing your shit.
2. Stick your nose in fights that don't concern you, we're trashing your shit.

Steel happens to be one of these special-ed, short bus riding, retard guilds that needs this hammered into the grey matter with a louisville slugger. Intel told us you have ...ooops... had quite a bit of R7 trainers and highly ranked buildings that needed remodeling.

A small HANDFUL of pimps rolled into Steel proper like gang busters first taking out any FAGULANT PISSANTS roaming the area. With the area secure, we started on thier BANK. No more BANK. Next stop, the TEMPLE. No more TEMPLE (seriously, is this sinking in yet?), even the highly ranked SEAMSTRESS got corn-holed. Oh the humanity! And of course, someone always has some of THESE in thier back pocket.

During our little reminder to Steel, there were a few who wanted to CRASH our party. They went down faster than panties on prom night.

Pay close attention. There are a few guilds about 1 step shy of coming down on a landmine (Hi Free Corpse). Don't make us come remodel your shit. We would all rather be at home drinking booze, praying to the Good Lord, and farming potatoes. The next time you go to set foot on ice island ask yourself "Is whatever the fuck im doing here worth millions and millions of damage to my home?" If the answer is "No" then hot-step your shit outta dodge and mind your own potatoes. If the answer is "Yes" ... well then bring it.
Ghecko  05-07-2003

LV and HoM banes busted up

The filthy heathens at ST were able to accomplish 2 things when our ToL banes went live: Shit and Shinola.

(Pics will go up as soon as they're submitted to me).

(I was snoring heavily at the time). I guess for now, both camps go back to playing SUMMONING GAMES with each other until the next bane is placed by someone ;)

Seems like Sinbad has learned that hard way that .
Ghecko  05-05-2003

Operation Freedom !

The humanitarian members of LoD and Lucid Vision got wind that the evil dictatorship known as Lo-Kri were attempting to Opress the Iraqi's in Khar Th'Sekt. The troops assembled and busted out some SHOCK and AWE tactics upside thier mellons.

The ruler of VA, Omar Muhammed Muhammed Al'Jazir Mustaffa was seen waving LoD and Lucid Vision flags while his people rejoiced and danced in the streets eating Big Mac's, drinking McFlurry shakes, and walking away with looted TV's from "Veejays Appliance Emporium". And people have the nerve to call us un-patriotic !!

When asked to comment, Mooselini of LoD stated "Shut up and go get me a beer!".
Ghecko  05-05-2003

ST crashes HoM's pad !

ST flew thier troops into the HoM ToL and busted us some shit in the morning. When asked to comment, Shoon said "Shut up and go get me a Corona Light!".

I looked to Mangaar -- the "Mother Superior" of Lucid Vision -- as to what we should do. In a moment of divine inspiration Mangar said "Hey asshole, hand me another beer and get to praying!" so we drank and prayed until a Vision of Methusala appeared in front of us.

After bitching us out for spiking the Holy Water with some Gin and Juice, he sent us on a dangerous mission to the lair of the devil (ST's crib) under the orders to go and BUST some HEADS in thier own back yard.
Amen!
Ghecko  05-05-2003

You can't out-smart the J-Man !

ST tried to be slick and placed a bane amidst a very thick patch of trees outside of HoM. Clever move. Easy for them to defend, and hard to target the bane from the HoM keep walls due to all those goddamn trees. I knew I was dealing with some sharp tacks here, so i went to seek council with The Man himself.

Jesus appeared to me in a vision and said:

"Shut up and hand me a beer!" tooks a few sips then said "Drop one of my CRIBS next to the bane, my son. When its built, tear it down. Your trees will be gone, and you'll have a sweet shot at the bane from the corner archer tower."

Then he blew me off because he had a poker game with the Apostles (I no longer attend these poker games, because when a certain someone gets to drinking wine, he cheats using His X-Ray vision super holy powers).

Praise the Lord and His infinite wisdom.
Ghecko  05-05-2003

Silent Tribe banes Jesus

It seems our heroic Bible-Haters over at Silent Tribe have placed a bane on Jesus's love shack (LV Outpost) and one on his weekend pad (HoM).

We managed to interview the J-Man himself, who had this commentary :
"Don't worry abou that Sinbad ass-clown. I have a bane set on his penis with a duration of at least 5 years ensuring that faggot gets no pussy."

That'll teach you to fuck with The Man !!
Ghecko  05-03-2003

The Angel of Death, was also a Vandal

Holy Vandal (Ho-Lee VanĚdal). n.: One who willfully or maliciously defaces or destroys public or private property of Heathen bastards.

Last night a group of LV/LoD/DoM globe-trotted around dropping off calling cards to the smaller guilds who thought about intervening in the past LoD+Alliance sieges. We haven't forgotten about you. In fact, we swung by to say hello.

The friendly welcome wagon made its rounds. Couladin forgot his business cards, so Murdock suggested we leave a smoking pile of shit at each city so the locals would know we had visited.

The first stop was Corvus. Having nothing to burn down, we discovered two members having gay sex in a locked bank. Seeing as Jesus frowns upon homosexuals, we used our pets to smoke out the offending rump rangers and sent them to meet the J-Man in person (ARAAK'DUL and ANTHRAGE - He really hates homos. Its in the bible).

We stopped by at their sister city, which did have something to trash: An AMAZON training hut. Amazons are dirty whores and are NOT approved by Jeeze. Everyone knows Amazons are dykes. And Dykes own cats. In an act of self-less kindness and disregard for safety, Mangar ran inside the burning buiding to save a kitten. Through the grace of God, he managed to escape before the Dyke Shack tumbled. The cat was not so lucky. Later asked how he made it out alive Mangar was quoted to say "It's a Miracle. Hand me a beer."

Next stop - Mornetilde's Fantasy Island. After killing a FEWof the LOCALS and a COW, , we decided to take Murds advice and leave a steaming turd behind (In this case, a Rank2 Wizard tower with a R5 channeller Trainer inside). You'll be happy to know the Trainer was medi-vac'd out and is doing well at Parkland Memorial Intensive Burn Center. Unfortunately the TOWER did not survive).

Last stop - House In'Visus. HiV suffered a small dent in thier Fury training building, and the loss of an empty TEMPLE. Upon our arrival, quite a few locals used the /STUCK exploit to zoom thru the walls to avoid death (hi Stoney). Seeing as LV does not support exploiting, we managed to catch a few just inches from the wall (hi KAMEL). Props to the HIV who stayed to fight a valiant battle defending thier keep. Our hats off to you - you know who you are.

The Lord teaches us lessons on a daily basis. In this case, he has taught us how to deal with meddlesome fuckers who interfere in wars that don't concern them.

Amen.
Ghecko  05-03-2003

More of the same

Been helping our brothers in LoD rid our chilly home of HEATHEN BITCHES quite a bit this week. Great work everyone. Let us not forget brothers and sisters... All PvP and no Gold Farming makes baby jesus cry. So go farm some gold, pay your weekly dues, and keep the evil Mr. Kringe from having to come give you the shake-down every week, and remember sell all your shit drops to our dirty Iraqi Helmsmith.

In relalted gold farming news, a couple of us were taking a friend for a little PLing while we passed the collection plate around in Khar. Six ST and friends decided to attack your favorite trio of holy men. WWJD ? He'd give them an ASS WHOOPIN of biblical proportions.

Note to self: Only worry when ST outnumbers you 3 to 1. Amen.
Ghecko  04-26-2003

Jesus Loves You (well, most of you)

Lucid Vision will be holding a bake-sale in the rectory this Sunday to raise funds, as we had to use all of our money from last Sundays collection to spring our Pope and Spiritual leader, Mangar from prison. Apparently, Baby Jesus got all liquored up and as a joke, told him to look for illegal contraban in the underwear of 11 year old Alter Boys. We at Lucid Vision do not doubt this story for a minute (Unfortunately the New Jersey State Department does - as they are heathen God hating goat fuckers). Jesus likes to make prank calls and fuck with his followers, and play "pull my finger" games when he gets sauced.

In Shadowbane news, our city is progressing slowly but surely. In fact our BANK just went up. Its actually an Inn. Many called this "cheap". Seeing as the bursar is just down the hall from the hookers, I call it "Divine Inspiration". Being men of the cloth and followers of Buddy Christ, we are innately poor. What little gold we manage to set aside goes to legal defense fees, hookers or booze. Luckily there are many poons on Ice Island who regularly contribute Phat Lewt to the J-Mans A-Team. He hates the assclowns of Lok-Ri, the cluster-fuck of poons named Silent Tribe, and most notably a band of midgets named Mithril Hammers (Jesus hates midgets) and prays for thier death 5 days a week ( MON , TUE ,WED ,THU , and FRI ...then goes clubbing on the weekend). Christ hates them all, and promised to give thier children birth defects in Real Life.

Props go out to Lords of Death (www.LordsOfDeath.com). They may not know it, but this band of filthy murdering savages SERVE The Man daily, by mass raping the heathen poons on Death server. We believe Jesus delivered them to our side in response to our prayers for Bad Ass Motherfucking Allies and Good Booze. Unfortunately he drank all the damn good booze but hey - we got our allies.

We have since grouped with our fellow LoD missionaries to spread the good word and smoke the fuck out of the J-haters that run rampant throughout our nation. We have killed POONS, FAGS, and HOMOS alongside our friends at LoD. It literally brings a tear to my eye as I write this update.

Go forth in peace brothers, to love, serve the lord, and rape the carebear scum in the name of all that is Holy.

Amen.
Ghecko  04-16-2003

The Death of Moses...

Moses The Unholy was killed by Ubi personnel. Aside from the fact there were 9 formal complaints registered by players of SB who somehow found "Moses" an offensive name - the almighty name of Moses also broke the Shadowbane EULA.

All I can say is... You Heathen Motherfuckers. If Moses offends you, then Jesus and God must make your stomach turn. You are going to hell in a handbasket, you shit dribbling circus turds. You are a dirty Devil lover. Give him a hug for me you devil worshipping, flea fellating, Holy man killing bastards. For those players who filed the complaints ... Jesus hates you, and promised me your children would be born retarded.

What a tragedy. Many CRIED, and many came to pay thier last RESPECTS to this gentle man. Even JESUS himself made a guest appearance to denounce Ubi Soft.

Hopefully Moses's reincarnation (Ghecko) can fill the shoes of this holy and gentle man, who wanted nothing more out of life than easy women, good booze, and fast cars.

Rest in Peace my brother ... rest in peace.
Ghecko  04-03-2003

LV goes to Grief!

As a Guildleader, it's my job to make the tough and important decisions. Thats why i get paid the big bucks, and so before choosing a server, i did what every smart guildleader does before he decides on a course of action. I said to myself - "Mangar.... What would Jesus do?" After thinking about this question for a couple moments, i immediately went downstairs and grabbed myself a beer. Jesus loves booze. With no females in sight, i then did the 2nd best thing - I jerked off. Jesus loves hookers and sex, and when you combine it with booze - You have a winning combination that Jesus endorses every time!

It was at this moment when Jesus spoke to me. While Lucid Vision is easily one of the most hated guilds to ever step foot on the Rallos Zek server, there is one thing that always set us apart from all other PK's - Grief. The simple reality of PKing on Rallos Zek, was that pre-Lucid Vision you were only in danger if you were camping jboots in SRO or porting around places. If you were deep in a dungeon or on a raid, you were safe. Lucid Vision changed all that by striking people in places where no PK has ever dared to go. Ive lost track of all the ToV raids we busted up, Planes and God kills we ganked and destroyed, and epic events we ruined. Most recently we have cleared out all the various PoP zones, including the ones "PK's couldn't get flagged for." We didn't just gank a couple people at dungeon entrances, we crawled through the entire place until we killed everyone, including the people who thought they were safe camping mobs at the deepest spot. We redefined the concept of what a PK guild was able to do, and nobody was safe. The bottom line is - We caused our opponents "Grief", and we did so within the context of the rules.

So on that note - I wish to announce our intentions to set up shop on the Grief server in Shadowbane. Anyone wishing to be a part of the Vision should make their intentions known, and to all our friends and enemies, we hope to see you there.
Mangar  03-17-2003